Dr Kelly Fleming

I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on the past. In particular the losses in my life and my health.

Even at my lowest point in life that led to two years of mental health assistance with the psychiatric hospital in town, I could still see a glimmer of hope for the future.

I’ve always been a person to push myself further than anyone ever expects me to go. Be it in physical rehab, education or sports – I am an overachiever.

This however helps me always look to the future.

I’ve lived now for over 50 years with a disease that will kill me. I cannot let it beat me until I’ve completed whatever work God has for me to do.

The numbers of survivors with SJIA who are over 50 worldwide has significantly lowered over the past 3 years. Not that we had that many to start with, but covid took many lives and wave one took too many people with SJIA.

I had wave three and I will live with the lingering effects for the rest of my life and that’s ok. I’m alive!

That’s always been the push for me. I want to live. Even when I’ve had suicidal thoughts when my medication for Bipolar 1 wasn’t working or my PTSD became overwhelming – I still wanted to live.

I fight every day with SJIA to be here. The flares, the complications – so many things that might otherwise make me simply give up.

I’ve survived a coma at the age of 20. Several years ago I had an anaphylactic reaction and flat lined at least three times. Considering I’m DNR, the fact that by using creative methods of my regular emergency medications via IV, the paramedics and ER staff saved my life means God still has plans for me to finish something here.

I know what being at death’s door is like all too well.

Add to that the losses in my life over the past 11 years and some might give up hope. Some might want the past back.

I remember the past and I don’t let those memories slip away but at the same time those memories keep me moving forward.

I look forward to each new day. I don’t make long term plans, that has never been a realistic part of my life.

I live for each day.

Yesterday is over. I can’t change it. Tomorrow has yet to come, I can’t worry about what the day will bring. I can live for this moment right now. And pray to be here for many more years and appreciate all the blessings God has given me in this life.