Dr Kelly Fleming

🙄⁉️🤦‍♀️

I make no apologies when I say this is one of the stupidest questions I’ve been asked countless times in my life.

The first thought that comes to me is – this person only sees my disabilities, they can’t see me.

I have only two responses :

° I can’t hear

° I can’t put my runners on and go for a jog with you

I cannot give a list of things I cannot do.

Why don’t people start by saying something like “I really want to go hiking, would you like to do that with me? Is there anything in particular we need to do set that up?”

Hey, sure! I love hiking. The trail will need to be accessible. I’ll need to pack the bag that’s on my chair with food supplies, meds, and some backup personal supplies.

We’ll need to make sure there is somewhere near the trail that has an accessible washroom. If it’s a cool day, I should pack a lap blanket since my body doesn’t generate natural heat when I’m sitting in my chair.

Other than that, I just need to know when we’re going and how we are getting there. If it’s somewhere that’s accessible from local transit, we’ll just hop on the city bus. If it’s in a different location, I just need to arrange for someone to drive my accessible van. No problem.

Why can’t conversations start that way instead of with what can’t you do?

I know people will tell me that the person asking was well-meaning. Sure, I’ve seen that hundreds of times as well. Trust me, if a person is really interested in hanging out with me or doing something, they won’t start with what can’t you do?

If we’re going to go out for supper, no problem. I’ll plan ahead and know what’s on the menu. When my food comes, don’t make a big deal of things. Take the plate, cut up anything that needs cut and put it in front of me. Set up my drink with a straw next to my plate so I can lean forward to drink. Make sure there’s extra serviettes, just in case I drop something. No big deal. If I need to use a washroom, I’ll explain how you can help me before we go out.

I really wish people in general could look past my wheelchair and realize I can do almost everything they can. I just do it differently or with assistance.