Dr Kelly Fleming

I was born Deaf into a family that was both hearing and Deaf. My birth family placed me up for adoption prior to my birth, as my birth mother did not have the developmental capacity to raise me alone. However, after I was born, I was considered non-adoptable by Children’s Services Adoption Agency, due to being disabled. Not only was I born Deaf, I was also disabled by torticolis from being a breach birth. My other disabilities were not yet known at that time.

I was placed into foster care and stayed there for six weeks.

My parents-to-be, already had a three-year-old son and they felt they had waited long enough on the list for another child. At first, my Mum told the social worker to remove their names completely for a baby, however, they would consider taking a child with some type of learning disability or a child with Downs Syndrome. Immediately the social worker asked my Mum to stay on the waiting list and she might have a baby for her. Within less than a week, my Mum received the phone call that brought me into their lives.

My parents had no idea what the future would hold for me and I’m sure they did not anticipate everything that was to come.

Unwanted child has stayed with me throughout the years. My parents made sure I had the best medical care and supported me throughout the years. They never made me feel unwanted. Someone once asked my Dad, in front of me, what kind of life will she have? My Dad’s response? Anything she sets her mind to, she will do it, she’s a smart girl and she will do a lot of things. How right he was, and what an awesome answer to give to someone!

Knowing that I was labelled as an infant as non-adoptable still hurts. Too often parents wishing to adopt a child, only want a perfect child.

Sadly the disabled community still sees this in 2023. I think one of the hardest things is that adoption agencies have disabled people come to them wanting to adopt a child, but often the social workers question their ability to parent a child.

So what is to become of these unwanted children? If abled parents don’t want to take a disabled child because they feel it’s too much for them and disabled people are turned away because someone else decides it is too much work for them… Has anything changed?

Unwanted has come into my life repeatedly, albeit using politically correct terminology. I’ve often been rejected for employment, community activities have been restricted due to inaccessibility and discrimination in many forms. I’ve been told numerous times that I need to adapt to the abled community. How?

Let me give some examples:

° I should work harder at understanding people when they speak, learn to lip read better and speak clearer.

° I should bring someone with me to community events who can assist me because if I need extra help, no one would be available to assist.

° I should…

° I should…

Notice how things get turned around and it is MY responsibility to adapt to the abled community?

I can’t learn to hear but hearing people can learn to sign.

I can’t teach my legs to walk or my fingers to move on their own.

Unwanted stays with me every time I experience discrimination due to being disabled.

I’m an overachiever. I was bullied by teachers growing up in an abled school setting. I was called stupid my first day of kindergarten and that has stayed with me forever. I decided that day, at the age of five, that no one would ever call me stupid again and I would prove them wrong.

My parents tried to tell me that I didn’t have to prove myself to anyone except myself. To be happy with myself. God made me just the way I am. It’s taken over 40 years for me to finally accept that, own it and let it empower me.

I encourage everyone, disabled and abled, to allow yourselves to accept who you are, the way you are. Become empowered by who you are and do not let the judgments of others define your life.

To my abled readers, please take time to consider what you can do today to include disabled people in your life. What things can you learn to do or learn about that will help you meet disabled people halfway, instead of expecting us to conform to your world?

To my disabled readers, I encourage you to break free from ableism. You don’t need to prove to others you are equal to them “despite” your disability. You are unique, there is only one person in this world who is like you, and that is yourself. Embrace yourself. Embrace your disabled body and run with it. I’m sure all of you who are disabled have experienced that unwanted attitude some time or many times in your life. It can really tear a person apart unless a person allows themselves to become empowered as a Disabled person.